Log in

No account? Create an account
tall girl from amsterdam [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

marvelous by accident [Jan. 14th, 2006|12:07 pm]
[mood |angrySO PISSED OFF]
[music |the donnas- i didn't liked you anyway]

HA i'm SO angry! SO extremely MAD. Never been so mad in my life before. Ya you could say, he does stir my emotions.

hey, so here's a little story... once up on a time, there was a redheaded girl, Merta, and she got it into her crazy mind to go to Canada. And nooo, not TORONTO or anything cool like that, noooo she had to go to Shelburne(ya i know it's very oddd)and she met amazing people there and wow, life was so good to her! she absolutely adored it.

In drama class, a girl named Tara came up to her, with her blond hair and her big blue eyes:" OH MY GOD! my friend jeka has a total crush on you!" Merta was not really impressed...Yeah right he had a crush on her, boy, he didn't even know her! She never spoke with any Jeka in her life so she wasn't really interested. Oh ya, she had had boyfriends, but she never felt in love(and was scared to die old and alone, oh yes) and she didn't expected it to be any different with this certain Jeka. Boys are whatever kinda thought. "oh but you got to meet him! he's perfect for you!" the blond blue eyes girl again. "oh Tara, i don't even know him!" Merta said. " but he said he was all happy today cause you smiled at him!" what? ehh, merta had no idea who she was talking about. Smiled? ya probably, but she was in a good mood all the time so she'd smile to anyone!

Yet, Jeka and Merta got introduced to eachother. By Tara of course, and she looked up and screamed:"ooooohhh you guys are PERFECT for eachother!" and she was oh so right. They were. They ruled the skies, laughed for hours, and talked every spare and lunch for 2 weeks straight. There was this magical thing, they were tangled up in eachothers eyes... She knew everything about him, he knew everything about her. And then, one night, when they went out drinking, sitting in the backseat of a car, watching the giant bonfire... He bended over and kissed her. That was the point of no return. They were meant to be, this was it. He was it, She was it. Merta was sleepy and light in her head of the booze, and layed down on his chest. He made circles on her face, with two fingers, following the lines of her nose, her lips, her eyelashes, her neck. And when she slightly opened her eyes, his face was just right there...Concentrated, amazed, fascinated... He looked at her like the whole world layed in his arms. And he spoke:" you're beautiful." There. Right there. He said it.
She was beautiful. No one said that to her ever.. Oh ya, girlfriends, and a guyfriend maybe, but not with that meaning, with that feeling. Never.

He called her, asked her out on a date. She had never been on a date, and she was nervous, yet relaxed cause she remembered the look in his eyes that night in the car... He adored her. He was taking perfect care of everything, it would be: going out for dinner in Kelseys, going to the movies and than have icecream in Dairy Queens. So they went to Kelsey's, sat in the restaurant for 3 hours without ordering. They just never had the time to look at the menu! They talked. For three hours straight, just talked. Not holding hands, or making out..No, they were just attached by this magical conversation. They never made it to the movies or DQ, but it was so worth it. They laughed, were amazed, had those looks, those glances... He drove her home, but some were on the highway, he took a turn and drove into a field. The field was called Jake's field from that moment. "dance with me" he said. And he turned up the music in his car, and they slowdanced in that field under the stars. They were so captivated by eachother... They layed in the back of his car for 4 hours, just talking, looking at the stars, looking at eachother, bodies close, in the cold night. And right there, she opened up to him completely, she gave herself to him, trusted him. From that moment on. And with every word he said, she started caring a little bit more.


he emailed her:

so did you have fun on our date? ...lol...i know i never got to take you  to dairy queen or to the movies, but i loved how we sat at the resteraunt for so long and never even ordered, and i loved the dancing and the stars(especially the comet...lol...according tro steve meteor..but i still say comet)..but i really appreciate you dancing with me, i loved it....
sorry for getting you home so late, but i thought it was worth it..and also i wouldnt change a thing about our date and im really thankful you went on it with me..oh and ya your the first girl i ever layed
under the stars with..so thanks for that first il always remember that.i wouldnt trade it in for the world.

kusje jake..and i fouout the dutch word for beautiful, is marte   

and when he got back from his hunting trip, he emailed her at 4 in the morning:

...i envy you so much, i cant believe you've seen the temple of Athena and been on top of
mountains, your like my second half, that actually gets to excpierience all
the amazing stuff, your so lucky...im really glad you
had a good time with me on tuesday, and i should be hte one thanking  you
for going out with me that night, i thought it was so amazing, lol,
especially when we made the waiter wait for like ya two hours, and we still
barely ate our food, it was incredible...i love how our conversations go on
for  hours but they feel like minutes, and also its never about the same
thing, its always something that makes you htink, not just something that
you talk aboput because you dont want an awkward silence, and i dont mind
the silence, especially when its under the stars and i get to stare into
these captivating eyes, and run my hands over your skin( which even though
you may not like i adore..lol) and kissing you, and having a meteor light up
the sky right after, that was perfect...it's like a movie...lol..look at you mrs. exceptional beauty,                                                             you have tthe figurew of a model, but best of all you have arguments worth hearing, you have a
political side, you have an athletic side, a humorous side and best of
all..lol...i love how you read, that is so amazing, it shows that you are
intellectual and you like to increase upon what you already know, that is
something not a lot of people have at this
age...Kusje jake

p.s.  marte, lol...you have no idea how big my smile was when you told me
you missed me, lol..ya i have my  soft side...and i  really missed you to,
your what i thought about when i looked at the stars(and the squirels..lol),
i missed our spares, but we will make up for it soon

and with everything he said she cared more and more... And she knew he was telling the truth. That he sure was amazed by him, that he cared so much about her..His best friend even told her that they had a 2 hour conversation about how much he cared about her. And he emailed her more:

when you leave, im really going to miss our
conversations at spare, they let me escape my repetitive school day, and it
gives me a reason to smile, i really enjoy it, your just gonna have to have
these conversations over the internet, il just miss hte accent and having to
correct your words...

he adored her! She adored him! oh, yes, she loved him. He didn't loved her, but she didn't know that yet.... They had phonecalls that lasted for hours, were always together...She met his family, loved his mom, his dad who's hilarious, his sisters adorable, his grandfather amazing...She met his cousins, and aunt, and friends...It was getting better and better. He told her how beautiful she was, what an amazing personality she had, how much he cared about her, that he missed her. He showed up at her house, without even telling so. And what if she wasn't home? well than he spilled his gas. He wanted to see her, be with her, and the other way around. She teached him things, he teached her. He wrote things for her, about her, to her. yeah.. He wrote...

And then she left. And the world changed. He gave her a bracelet, silver, that she bear till she dies. "i'll miss you", he said on the airport. And also, "i don't want a girlfriend for this year anymore..."And while she was sitting in the airplane, every mile further away seemed so wrong with her heart. She had to be with him! she'd cross the sea for him, just to be with him. She loved him! And every mile she was physically further away, she also was mentally. Tho she didn't know that yet. And oh, she called him straight when she got home. And he told her everything would work out just fine. She cried, manymany tears.. But he told her he cared about her. So much. He cared.

But all of the sudden, 10 days later, he had a new girlfriend. That's right, a new girlfriend. The girlfriend he said he didn't wanted.And when she called him, crying, he told her she was just a fling. And that he never got attached to her. And that maybe, she shouldn't talk to him on the phone anymore. And he blocked her on msn.

She wasn't even mad. She was sad. She didn't hate him, she loved him. She thought he must have had his reasons for doing and saying all this. She didn't know yet, the reason was that he is a total jerk. She tought he wanted to create distance, cause he cared about her, but it just couldn't be.

And one night, Merta had an extremely interesting conversation with Varginia... Varginia asked her, what it was that Jake all said to her. When they were together. Cause she needed to know if he was using the same stuff to her...And Merta told her. Oh yes she did, and she remembered every single word. She sended her his emails.

And then so many things came out.

-Jeka liked Varginia while dating Merta. While Merta was still with him, in canada. (god he f..cked her while liking varginia!!:@:@)

- Jeka used Merta to get over Jenn

-Jeka told Merta oh and ya your the first girl i ever layed
under the stars with..so thanks for that first il always remember that.i wouldnt trade it in for the world. 
BUT he layed under the stars with Jenn all the time. Wouldnt trade it in for the world, my ass

- Jeka is showing all his writings and such to Varginia. What he used to show her.

- Jeka is saying the same stuff to her.


In the end, Jeka turned out to be a total ass. But Merta and Varginia found both perfect lovers, who were honest with them, and truelly loved them. And they died together as in the Notebook. So did Jenn btw, and every other girlfriend he ever 'liked'.

Jeka died alone and unhappy... Cause when he found the girl who he really loved, she turned out to be lesbian.


ps all names relating to real life are simply coincidence


link12 comments|post comment

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time [Jan. 12th, 2006|08:26 pm]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |all i have to do is dream-everly Brothers]

hahahhahahaha the man who made this is either a genius or nuts, but i love it:



"hey i've got it, i'll make a song about LLAMAS!!


other than thaattt... nothin much.


i found this somewhere, it's not mine but i like it..

Ik zie ik zie.. wat jij niet ziet
Wat zie je dan?
Jou, op je mooist
Altijd, elk uur, elke seconde
Iedere minuut!
Van een dag.. die ik beter kan besteden
Omdat jij..
toch niet ziet wat ik zie


-i see, i see, what you don't see
+Really? What is it that you see?
-You, in your most beautiful moment
-always, every hour, every second-every minute!
-Of a day.. i could spend better
-because you
-won't see what i see anyway

and a picture, of course....

aww cute! charlotte and coba in Rome!


Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away



link7 comments|post comment

to follow [Jan. 11th, 2006|02:00 pm]
[mood |sicksick]
[music |none]

I'm sick. Therefor I have the right to copy this and fill it in. Sue me.


PS: this man made the Bible in lego. GO SEE:





Singing in the shower?: ___ lol guilty yes.
Ate Stale food?:___ Guilty.
Spit in someone's Drink?: ___ eew innocent
Stole Something from a friend?:___ innocent
Played with Barbies?:___ guilty. I cut their hair and broke their legs and made them have sex with Ken. Yes i was violent.
Kissed your posters of your favorite stars?___ guilty lol.
Listened to stupid music and said you like it?: ___ guilty.. who isn't
Made someone cry?: ____ Guilty
Opened your Christmas presents early?: ___ we don't have christmas presents: innocent
Found money, and didn't turn it in?: ___ Innocent.. i never find money
Gave money to a homeless person?: ___Guilty
Thought "Star Wars" was cool?:___ innocent. bah.
Had a super-hero costume?: ___ hmm innocent.. i did however had a knight costume, a cinderella costume, a mouse costume, a tiger costume, a princess costume, a king kong costume, a little mermaid costume, a sherlock holmes costume..ya those were my hero's so maybe i'm guilty after all
Lied to a friend?: ___ guilty.
Broken a bone?: ___guilty. I jumped off a hill and broke my arm. no, i have no idea how i did that, yes, i'm an idiot
Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?: ___Innocent
Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?: ___Guilty, oh the sims lol...
Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow?: ___Guilty. blue it was. will never happen again
Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours?: ___Guilty
Ran through the sprinklers?: ___Guilty.
Ran through the sprinklers naked? ___Innocent.
Went outside naked?: ___ lol yes guilty. rolled myself in the snow on my balcony and then jumped under the shower to get that hottub effect.. naked that is.
Flashed somebody? ___innocent
Mooned somebody?:___Innocent
Been on stage?: ___Guilty.
Been on stage naked or close to it?: ___guilty, close to it tho.
Been in a parade?: ___Guilty. As a black slave
Been in a school play?: ___Soo guilty. Love it
Drank beer?: ___innocent, what a miracle. Beer is disguisting.. how do i figure? i took a sip. Yes. So maybe i am guilty.
Went to work w/a hangover?: ___only had a hangover once, on a sunday
Gotten detention?: ___Guilty. Oh damn you jake... ASP class that is
Gotten expelled?: ___Innocent. Yay
Been on a plane: ___Guilty. i love it, it feels like you're moving without actually moving... yes
Been on a cruise?: ___Guilty. To Norway, Oslo, and UK, London.. Oh also to Danmark and Sweden
Traveled out of the country?: ___Guilty. Lol if you drive 2 hours you're already out of the country so that was easy. And Canada of course.
Liked somebody you could never have?: ___Guilty
Liked a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: ___Ex-boyfriend. Is that guilty too?
Cheated on a test?: ___Guilty. all the time.
Broken into a house?: ___Innocent. Or maybe because i lost my key. No wait, yes, i'm guilty, lost my key so many times and then sneaked in through the neigbour's garden
Stolen from your own family?: ___innocent.. oh wait, my brother's alarm clock because it was driving me nuts and he wouldn't turn it off. Bastard. I still hide that in my closet, lol.
Ate spoiled food by accident?: ___Guilty.
Ate spoiled food on purpose?: ___Innocent. Let's eat spoiled food:S
Ate food you dropped on the floor?: ___Guilty. I was hungry and the floor seemed okay. I brushed the dust off.
Laughed at a funeral?: ___Innocent.
Watched somebody's death?: ___Innocent.
Gotten a tattoo?: ___Innocent.
Gotten piercings?: ___Innocent.
Fired a gun?: ___innocent. i fired a bow if that counts. Not on a person or animal tho, stupid haunting.
Gotten into a fist fight?: ___Guilty. More a catfight tho.
Gotten into a shouting match?: ___Guilty.
Swallowed sea/pool water?: ___Guilty.
Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose?: ___Innocent. Why would you do that
Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?: ___Guilty. That's fun
Laughed so hard it hurt?: ___Guilty. That's fun too, makes you feel like you are actually working out lol
|Seen a live birth?: ___On tv.. So no, innocent
Delivered a baby/animal?: ___Innocent.. Like human can deliver an animal:S
Had an imaginary friend?: ___Guilty. She was a girl and had red hair. It might have been my reflection actually.
Fell down a whole flight of stairs?: ___Guilty. In front of the whole school, yesyesyes
Tripped on stairs?: ___Guilty. That's why i felt. Many times actually. I tripped on my own stairs, ran into the wall and had my brain damaged.. nothing serious, but i had to stay in bed for one week, no tv, no computer, no reading... wow i havn't been more bored in my entire life. And yes, everyone made fun of me
Tripped on your own feet?: ___Guilty. They sometimes just don't go where i want them to go
Cried yourself to sleep?: ___Guilty.
Cried in public?: ___ Guilty. Bah
Thrown up in public?: ___Innocent. Eww
Lied to your parents?: ___Guilty. They make me tho.. they're too strict
Skipped school?: ___Guilty. Many times. I'm smart enough, it's not a crime

me and lisa, new years eve

link11 comments|post comment

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage [Jan. 9th, 2006|04:45 pm]
[mood |determinedBut I was tossed high by love]
[music |dutch sentimental stuff]

Don't run away,
Stop feeling fine.
It's better than your worst, your worst day.
No words to say, I'll give you mine,
and pocket all the hurt, and just stay.
Don't run away.
It's better than your worst, your worst day.

And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear i'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fast road.


Do I ever cross your mind
Darlin' do you ever see
Some situation somewhere, somehow
Triggers your memory
And do you ever wonder
What became of all the time
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind

Do I ever cross your mind
Uninvited when you're lonely
Or does that only, only happen to me
And don't you ever wonder
What became of all the time
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind


I keep forgettin’ we’re not in love anymore
I keep forgettin’ things will never be the same again
I keep forgettin’ how you made that so clear
I keep forgettin’

Don’t say that, don’t say that, don’t say that
I know you’re not mine anymore-anyway-anytime
But tell me how come

and also:

In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don’t you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
’cause I’ve got you under my skin


You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone

now answer this question and put it on your own LJ too... If you had me alone... locked up in your room for twenty four hours and i had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me?

your name still comes up, you were marvelous


following rachel i will put a picture in every entry from now on

(in dreams of lavish gifts we hide)

link13 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2006|08:14 pm]
Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
See boemelaartje's results.Collapse )
link12 comments|post comment

Learn to Be lonely, Learn how to love life that is lived alone [Jan. 8th, 2006|04:06 am]
[mood |restlessrestless]
[music |All american rejects-eyelash wishes]

Hi. So im back. Most of you didn't even know i was gone. Exept good old steve, lol. Well im back. More about that later.

So to start of with New Years; It was absolutely amazing! I first did the countdown with my parents, than went to the main square in Amsterdam with 3 of my friends(Babs, Coba, Jelte) and when i got there, every one i cared about was on that square. People i saw just that day, people i hadn't seen in 12 years, people i hadn't seen ever since i got back from Canada. Lots of stories to tell, hugs and kisses to give.. And i stood there, it was about 3 a clock in the night, and i was like, damn, this is my life, i love those people, and they love me, they care for me, they'll always be there for me... I don't even realize how fragile life is, how much i should cherish those people. And i realized how i have been wasting the past 2 months. Ever since i got back i wasn't really in Amsterdam with my head. I was in Canada. I was hanging on the good life i had there, staying up whole nights just to talk to you guys. Spend all my money on phonecalls to Jake who doesn't even wanted me to call, who doesn't even give a damn about me. I wasted my time. Canada was, will be, the most amazing thing in my life so far. But when i got back, i forgot to move on. I didn't see how amazing my friends here are, how good my life is, how much i love Amsterdam. How much i love my friends. And there, on that moment, on that square, i finally got to my senses. I belong here. This is my home. I am home.. Finally.

After that i went to a club with free vodka. Let's say, that was interesting. Never got so drunk in my life before. Couldn't walk. Crashed my bike into several parked cars. ya. As i said, interesting, but blissful.

slept at my friends home, had eggs for breakfast, loved it. Than listened to music we used to listen to when we were 7/8 years old. Oh boy, those times! got sentimental and nostalgic, lol. It was gooood. So then i was all cheered up, i was like YES my life is gonna start all over again! Screw Jake. I have soo many plans!
-I want to start a basketball team on my school, starting this thursday, which will be awesome. Our yell will definetally be: SHEL WHAT?! SHELBURNE! not that they have any idea what that means, but whatever.
-I'm gonna learn Italian, but like fluently. An old friend i hadn't seen in 12 years(yes, he was on the main square in amsterdam too) well, his dad is going to teach me Italian. Sigh.. such a sexy language.
-I am going to play in 4 theatre plays, which im gonna love cause drama=my passion. In my main role in one of the plays im gonna play a major bitch and that sounds really good to me, lol, id like to do that, and get my anger out. lol.
-Im going to join a artistic group thingy... I have art classes on school but they suck and i might wanna enter the School of Arts in Amsterdam or Canada, so i wanna paint more, cause i love painting. Ive been doing a lot of painting myself but i dont have the materials really, so joining some group sounds good.

That was it. Then i did nothing but sleeping and painting and writing and such for 2 days. And then.... dumdumdumdum

I went to LONDON!

So i'm back from London. Took us like 7 hours with the train and boat to get there, which is a lot i thought. London was pretty much amazing. Exept for the fact i got really drained into this mood.. Idk how to call it.., reminisce, i guess. Everyone talked english to me all of the sudden, there were canadian shops(subway, oh teartear) and everything reminded me of canada, shelburne.. So many memories came up.. Idk, it really depressed me. I miss you guys, thats why. I miss jake. And i don't want to. I wasnt going to.. Like on new years, i was over him, for a moment. But i guess London brought everything up again. Sigh.. I wan't to call him, hear his voice, but i shouldn't, he hates me and clearly doesn't wants to talk to me at all. Bah. But London is an amazing city. I could live there for a while. I love the cabs. I want one of those, including driver, if i ever get rich. I shall call my driver George. My dad bought a videocamera as a present for us, so we taped the whole trip which is goood. I bought an all american rejects cd, and a family guy dvd, cause we don't have those here and im very pleased, yay! I saw 3 musicals, Saturday Night Fever, Phanton of the Opera and The Lion King. Lol, my mom thought Timon(from Timon and Pumba.. hakuna matata) was a pink monkey. It was hilarious. My dad thought it was Haluna patata.

now its like 4 in the morning. I just got back from the movies.. Narnia. I liked it, but mostly cause it was so unrealistic. Not the creatures, but the children.. I laughed my ass of when the oldest guy, Peter, became the 'king' and leaded the army.. he just putted up his sword in the air and said:"for narnia, for asum" or whatever the lion was called. Well those who've seen it will know what i mean.. Idk, those children, they were just not really realistic. I thought it was funny so i had a good time making fun of those children in my head lol. Whatever, it was good. After that, went to some lame club with Coba, Moon and Sofija... Had fun tho. Tired now...Excited about Steve coming. Getting closer and closer, can't wait.

some lyrics from the Phantom Of The Opera:

Wishing I could
hear your voice again
knowing that I
never would
Dreaming of you
won't help me to do
all that you dreamed
I could

Passing bells
and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle

Too many years
fighting back tears
Why can't the past
just die?

Wishing you were
somehow here again
knowing we must
say goodbye
Try to forgive
teach me to live
give me the strength
to try

No more memories,
no more silent tears
No more gazing across
the wasted years
Help me say

link3 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2005|07:51 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |some live dvd from my dad]



(almost as much as you guys, lmao... hey, now its only half a year till im back!! hurray!!)

PS: HA our new year starts 6 hours before yours lmao, now i feel cooool
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2005|01:14 pm]
[mood |indifferentindifferent]
[music |phoenix-if i ever feel better]

and then phoenix said it:

Phoenix-if i ever feel better

They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that' s fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after al
lSomeday all this mess will make me laugh
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
linkpost comment

i accidentally showed how much i care.. [Dec. 29th, 2005|04:22 pm]
[mood |aggravatedit has been long enough id say]
[music |beatles-ticket to ride]

So you gave me my own utopia
and i could easily pick your star
but when you told me i was beautiful
i accidentally showed i care

let's pretend it never happend
telling me it was just a fling
let's pretend it never happend
lie to me, say it was just a waking dream

seemed like you felt it too
bliss oxygen, mad love rollercoaster
tho you showed me way too soon
your whole existence is one cruel intention

and i accidentally showed how much i care

let's pretend it never happend
telling me it was just a fling
let's pretend it never happend
lie to me, say it was just a waking dream

so on top of all that
i still believe in you, care, wait, wish
but you wouldn't even take me back if i drowned in front of you
though only you could take me for granted

you could easily take me for granted
take me, take me, take me...

i accidentally cared for you
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 27th, 2005|11:19 pm]
[mood |blankblank]
[music |some tune inside my head]

i hope it never dies. i hope that when i see you again; whenever, wherever... you'll realize, who i am, what i ment, what we were...I hope you'll see, we were never ordinary, we were different, and it always seemed to fit, just to make it right, to make it special. When i see you again, i'll be able to tell how you're doing, just by your walk, your face, your scent.. i know a lot more than anyone else about you, and you know a lot more than anyone else about me. You can't forget those things, they'll stay. They might dip below the surface, but when you see me again, you'll remember it, and you'll smile because you'll see im okay.I hope. I hope it never dies. It couldn't, shouldn't have been anybody else. it was just there, as life, take it, feel it. I felt it. You felt it. It created invisable bondage, crossing the seven seas, and it will stay till forever dies. I know this. I believe in this. I'm just really, really scared.. That you'll push me away so far your mind starts to believe the lies you told yourself. So don't ignore me. Speak to me...Ease my mind, tell me it's okay. Promise me. I'll ease yours. I'll promise. I'll tell you, i'm fine. Cause we were never ordinary.. it was special, that's why.
linkpost comment

And then I wonder who I am, Without the warm touch of your hand [Dec. 26th, 2005|11:18 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |some background thing of my dad]

so heres my christmas so far.. yesterday my grandparents stayed... My freakin hilarious uncle(man that guy is awesome) and aunt came over for dinner which was fun, but not really special or anything. Today i went to my cousin's which was sort of boring i guess.. i dont like being set up with my family, or actually anyone.. Idk, i love my family, but if its so pressed and pushed i really dislike it actually. But well, whatever.. stupid christmas. Its hifhly overrated and i suggest we stop celebrating it. Celebrate that its winter for instance. Or that the days are getting longer again. Or that its spring. Or that the sun rises! But not a holiday that's supposed to be for Jesus but turned out to be for a fat guy in a red suit. Bah.
Friday my friend Coba gave a party which was pretty much awesome, had some issues with myself just because idk, never mind i promised to shut up about it lol. it was fun tho, had a good time laughing at ppl with Wieger. Hmm next morning i was soooo tired!(saturday that is) bah, and everything had to be cleaned up.. ppl had a bread fight in her room, and yes i took part of it so it was my duty to clean that up, which i didnt lol. ah well, whatever, i made breakfast for everyone yay:D than i got in a fight with a friend..well ex friend that is. She says she's through with me, well than thats fine. whatever.

uhm some lyrics that fit (still, damn you):

Funny how my favorite shirt
Smells more like you than me
Bitter traces left behind
Stains no one can see

In the mornin'
Baby in the afternoon

You're gonna put me in an early grave
I know I'm your slave whenever you call

I can't stop myself from callin'
Callin' out your name
I can't stop myself from fallin'
Fallin' back again
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 23rd, 2005|12:00 pm]
[mood |coldcold]
[music |go on-taking back sunday]

about me:
01. i lose everything
02. i am creative
03. i am optimistic
04. i am really really tall
05. i can't shut up for more than 1 hour(that is if i'm awake)
06. i am sensitive
07. i get what i want
08. i lie to my parents
09. i don't lie to my friends
10. i am ambitious

to win my heart:
01. be intelligent
02. have a goal, a talent and a passion
03. be honest with me
04. be real
05. be ambitious
06. write to me, about me
07. be a gentleman
08. be funny and random
09. be captivating

i want to do before i die:
01. TRAVEL.. i wanna travel at least 2 months a year.. yup thats my goal
02. eat a grasshopper(in some countries it's a treat, and i really wonder how it tastes)
03. write a book
04. have children(only when im 38/40ish tho)
05. speak 7 languages fluently(Dutch, English, Italian, Spanish, French, German, russian)
06. go deepseadiving
07. find my soulmate
08. open a school: i hate how we have like 5 languages on school and how i only speak two of them because ive lived there.. i concluded, living somewhere they speak a certain language is the best way to learn this language. So this will be a highschool where the first year you'll go a year to France, second year Spain, Third year Italy, Fourth year Canada(of course lol)and optional, one year The Netherlands, German or Russia.
So then when you're 17/18 youll speak so many languages! it would be so awesome.. but its just an idea, i still have to work this out
that make me happy:
01. taking bubblebaths
02. chocolate
03. feel good music
04. lying in the grass in the Vondelpark next to my house in the summer, with all my friends...or sittin inside with my friends, hot chocolate and good conversations while its raining outside
05. basketballgames/practice and the busrides
06. dancing on my balcony on a sunny sunday morning
07. being with that one person... whenever, wherever..always, and all you feel is pure bliss
that make me sad:
01. when it turns out that someone you care about a whole lot, doesnt give a damn about you
02. losing touch, fading away
03. being stressed
04. being powerless
05. being vulnerable
06. missing someone
that im afraid of:
01. forgetting, fading away
02. cockroaches(ewwww.... thats like my phobia.. i am so afraid of those:|:|.. especially, when you kill them, the eggs will stick on your shoe, and youll walk them everywhere! plus if you kill them, the other monsters will smell it and it will only atract them cause they think it is food.. well it is for them but eeewww gross!! and if you cut off their head, they'll live on for 9 days!!! 9 times 24 hours, 216 hours!! 216 hours!! and they die, because they can't eat anymore! hunger, thats why! GROSS! so basically you cannot destroy this evil monster:|)
03. needles
04. not being loved
05. failing
in my room :
01. my queeeensized bed.. i love it
02. desk.. but covered with stuff.. so not of any use
03. walk in closet.. i love it!
04. pictures
i need to do right now:
01. buy alcohol for coba's party lmao.. she's lazy and letting me do the shopping lol)
02. clean the microwave.. i accidentally left the popcorn in there for 4 minutes on 1000watt:|:| its pitchblack from the inside and the whole house smells like smoke:| disguisting
03. put on socks, my feet are cold
i do everyday:
01. write
02. listen to feel good music

i want to see right now:
you know who
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 20th, 2005|08:28 am]
Can you raed tihs? Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Inst taht werid?
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Dec. 19th, 2005|11:42 pm]
[mood |stressedstressed]
[music |as you sleep-something corporate]

oh man im stressing out!! bah, i have greek exam tomorrow.. like, am-i-going-to-university-yes-or-no exam...

eewwww im soooo stressed! i was free at 11 am but then coba and i decided to scan and copy our heads, we putted them on a scanner and had so much fun splashing our heads... lmao, it was amazing indeed. We putted all glittery things on it and a little bear and a pink caddilac and wow so much more, lmao, (pics see my space: http://spaces.msn.com/members/beetjegel/PersonalSpace.aspx?_c01_photoalbum=showdefault&_c=photoalbum) or just http://spaces.msn.com/members/beetjegel/ and go to pictures, lol... but anway, we did that for like 3 hours straight, man, we totally lost time and then aaallll of the sudden it was evening and then i had to do the dishes and well, turned out i only started working on my exam at 9:30 PM.... IM OFFICIALLY AN IDIOT

man, im pretty much gonna die.. need to know 6 texts by heart, i only know one and its 12 a clock now... means i worked on that one text for 2 hours, means i have 5 to go, means 2x5=10 hours.. means no sleep.


doesnt sound attractive or reliable at all

im soo screwed
link1 comment|post comment

maar bedankt voor de zoenen, lieve prille liefde [Dec. 18th, 2005|04:27 pm]
[mood |workingworking]
[music |absolutely(story of a girl)-nine days]

ik weet nog steeds van je lach
en je kracht
en hoe je tegen steentjes schopt
maar ik wist niet dat een einde
zo eindig was
zo stil
dat wist ik niet
link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Dec. 17th, 2005|04:46 pm]
[mood |crazycrazy]
[music |jack johnson-banana pancakes]

im through with him, this feels great, i love him but i gave it a place and i can live on now, phieeewww sooo relieved!!! its aallll good now. accept he doesnt wants to talk to me and blocked me on msn, but meh, whatever if he just needs time or if he thinks im a freakin stalker lmao.. no but im good now. more good news:
-im going to istanbul!!! i love it!!!!!! second week christmas break and im SOO excited!(it could turn out to become Egypt or Rome or Venice or Prague but thats allright, at least im going to somewhere awesome!)
-my best friends giving this awesome party:D and all the cuties are invited lmao... so that will be good good fun..(we always go clubbing and we NEVER have parties so this is like a BIG thing here)
-im gonna go clubbing on new years eve,.. will be amazing
-im going to my cousins at christmas and i havnt seen them in like forever so thats goooood
-im pretty much sure ill pass my exam week with okay marks which is awesome since i only started studying today... and the exam week starts this monday
-i feel like coocking, jamie oliver it is, so ill go grocery shopping which is great
-it snowed today!!!! just a tiny tiny tiny little bit, its not even an inch, but hey you got to be happy with all thats given.. its sweeettt
-i smoked pot with one of my best friends yesterday which was soo good cause we never did that before together
-i bought a cd with christmas music lmao so now im aaalll in the mood
-my mom is being a real sweetheart and we went out for dinner yesterday with my family and it was all good and fun and i liked it
-steves coming in less than 2 months!!
-i got a new hat and im soo pleased about it
-i am not having any writersblock and i can all just let it out it feels great
-i draw a lot
-my new theatre play is rockin and i like the other actors and its alll good
-im listening to jack johnson and his banana pancakes and its all soo brilliantly happy

Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains

Pretend like there's no world outside
And we could pretend that all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
There ain't no need to go outside

Ain't no need, ain't no need
Can't you see, can't you see

Rain all day and I don't mind

Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you
this song It's meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

The telephone singing, ringing, it's too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It's just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms

i love it. im ready for life!
link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2005|10:30 pm]
[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[music |the all american rejects-swingswing]

so the one thing i was wondering.. why hes not out of my head. why he just sticks around there like till eternity. i hate it, cause obviously im not sticking around in his head... and then, i guess... its because i can remember. if i close my eyes, and if i dont(thats not the point, i can recall him ANYTIME ANYWHERE) i cann remember every single thing about him. The way his skin feels, even his temperature, the way his lips taste, his breathe, his eyelashes upon my cheeks, his voice... i remember whole conversations, him trying to speak french.. his irish talking, or discussions, his view on life... everything. And i guess, because i can recall him, and because i recall him even if i dont want to, he sticks around. Its because i remember him. This is so contradicting with my Fear of Forgetting, which is odd...a few entries ago i was like NOOOO i dont wanna forget anything about anyone! But now im not that scared of that. I remember quite a lot, at least i think i do. And because i remember i wont forget him, and because i wont forget him im not getting over him.

man, i cant shut up about him. because hes still in my head. i hate it.. so i promise ill make all the other entries about him in a journal no one can reads since im just going on and on and on and on about him and i guess thats REALLY annoying.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 13th, 2005|08:56 am]
[mood |tiredjust tired of everything]
[music |kane-let it be]

Kane-Let It Be

Well the answer is always the same,
won't you please just let it be.
Cause I've been there and all I can say,
is that it slips away from me.
With the memory of yesterday's grace,
she spins away from me,
so I can go on.

As cold as the void of the night,
the dark surrounding me.
She leaves me there every time,
as alone as I can be.
And I drift with the thought of her eyes,
she's all that I can see,
but I will go on.

Every long night,
every whisper,
every song that never saw it coming,
and she says it's oh so right.

Every cold night,
every shiver,
every time I didn't feel it coming,
she says it's oh so right.

As heartless and cruel as can be,
she moves away from me.
Still I need to be hers every time,
with all that I can be.
As she calls in the deep of the night,
she takes all I've got from me.
So I can go on.

Every long night,
every whisper,
every song that never saw it coming,
baby don't you know that is not alright,
it's not alright, no, no, no.

Every cold night,
every shiver,
every silent scream,
and she never listens,
well it's not alright, not alright.

She rides with the god's of the night,
she rules the tides in me.
She crushes the waves with her sigh,
and she.....oh lord.....she becomes a part of me.
But her care is a sharp as a knife,
I'll say, for how can she step away from me.
How can you just walk away from me?

Every cold night,
every whisper,
every silent scream,
and you never listen,
and you say what?.....It's alright,
well it's not allright, no, no.

Every last time,
every shiver,
every dirty game,
well it's just isn't right,
it just isn't right.

She wakes at the dawn of the day,
and takes my heart from me.
Leaves me with nothing to say,
nothing left for me.
But the fever of final goodbyes,
she spins away from me.
So I can go on.......

I can go on.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2005|10:44 pm]
The Wild Rose
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDf)

shmolorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.

Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.

You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective.

Your exact opposite:
The Dirty Little Secret

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master
The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.

"You're never truly single as long as you have yourself."

ALWAYS AVOID: The Bachelor

CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail.

Link: by OkCupid.
My profile name:
linkpost comment

excuse me, ive been mistaking you for somebody else [Dec. 12th, 2005|05:48 pm]
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |gabriel rios-broad daylight]

so again, ive been thinking... and i figured, maybe he's right. Maybe he did indeed not care for me even if it looked like he did. Maybe all he did was just being him. maybe the things he told me and showed me, his way of thinking about life, about love, his passions and goals, his writing, maybe that was just who he is. And perhaps i got sooo fascinated and amazed by this new thing, since im not used to that, that it made me feel different for him as he did for me. maybe the things he said to me, are things he would have said to any girl. Any one who gets close will see the world through his eyes. Its really hard to explain, but i think that maybe...Maybe i wasnt special at all. Maybe he did indeed not care. Maybe i was just an ordinairy girl.

and yes this thought is really depressing

how could i not have seen that
how could he not have told me that before

before everything

PS download this song:Gabriel Rios-broad daylight
link3 comments|post comment

[ viewing | 20 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]